Sun stood with one hand on her hip and the other twirling her long, pretty
blonde hair. “I really like Linux. I think he’s really got it together. I mean
he has so much energy. I can definitely see myself as Mrs. Linux.”
Novell, an equally attractive brunette, stood next to her. “Linux has gotten to
a point in his life where he’s ready to settle down. He’s maturing. I think he
sees how much I can add to his life right now. I hope he doesn’t break my heart
- I’m really falling for him!”
These two girls - beautiful and smart like all the others - were here to compete
for the hand of Linux. They all felt that if only Linux got to know them better,
he would see that *they* were the right choice for him.
IBM, a tall, lithe salesperson from the Northeast, was sure that she and Linux
would be the perfect couple. “I can help him grow so much - I have so much to
offer. I know if he really got to know me he could see that I’m perfect for him!
I’m smart and service-oriented and would make Linux a great wife - I know it!
And I’d be happy to let him port his kernel to my mainframe.”
And HP chimed in, “That California girl, Sun, had her old boyfriend Solaris drop
her off at the airport on the way here. She’s definitely on the rebound.” HP was
stunning in an evening gown and heels, but was still carrying a football. “Hey
Linux, let’s you and I go play some catch! You can be my ‘Mr. Touchdown’ any day!”.
For his part, Linux wasn’t sure that any of the girls were really right for him.
“I know I’m not a kid anymore and that I need to be more mature to continue to
grow as a person.”, he said, “I’m just not sure that I’m ready to settle down.”
Linux knew that all these girls had been involved with his older brother Unix
years earlier. “That was a complete mess! They all fought over him and could
never agree on anything. It was like they all wanted to ‘own’ him. Unix never
recovered - he has a split personality to this day!”
As they all gathered for the rose ceremony that would decide who Linux picked,
Linux was restless. He didn’t feel right committing himself to any one person.
Finally, he spoke.
“I can’t commit to just one person”, he began, “so I choose ALL of you. But
here’s how it has to go.”
“Number one: We have to have an ‘open’ relationship. I need to be able to be
with any of you - or even with someone new if they come along. But *you* can be
with anyone you want as well. I only want you to be with me if I add value to
your lives - if I stop adding value, you’re free to move on.”
“Number two: Our relationship will be a ‘meritocracy’. That is, I’ll spend the
most time with the ones who are most dedicated to me and who add the most value
to my life. Don’t expect me to come when you call - expect me to show up when
you’ve got something to contribute.”
“Number three: Even though you can all add things to different parts of my life,
you have to all agree to accept my basic personality. I can’t be more than one
person and still be me. And I don’t want to end up with split personalities like
Around him stood a bevy of beautiful, intelligent woman with sad looks. He could
see he’d disappointed more than a few. But hopefully they would see that this
arrangement was best for *all* of them. Hopefully they would come to realize
that together they could build a life that was better than any one of them could
build on their own.
Someone then walked up and handed him a note - another plane load of girls had
just arrived from Japan. “Wow!”, he thought to himself as he turned to welcome
them all in, “I don’t know how I’m going to manage this!”