Okay, everyone knows I’m a fan of Apple. I love all the stuff that they do, and was waiting with bated breath for yesterday’s announcements from the “Showtime” event. And even though the supposed live QuickTime feed kept 404-ing, I was able to get my fix from Engadget’s live updates. (To quote Elvis, “Thank you. Thankyouverymuch!”

I’m down with all the new iPods, especially the super mini iPod Shuffle. Great stuff; love it. iTunes 7…wicked f-ing cool! But the iTV? Really, seriously…the Reality Distortion Field extends only so far, man.

So, the main reason why I won’t buy an iTV (or whatever Apple decides to call it later) is simple: It doesn’t record. Will someone please tell me why I should get jazzed about this device, because maybe the lobotomy didn’t work the first time around. I need an iTV like I need another hole in my head. If it doesn’t record television, it’s a useless interface to me.

And you know why it won’t record? Well, you see the model Apple’s going after, don’t you? Don’t you?! Right. Good. They want you to purchase TV shows from the iTunes Store. It’s where they plan to make money. It’s how they can make money. It’s where they are making money. And while I can’t fault them for making money — hell, every company should be as happy to have such a successful turnaround — but the last time I checked, wasn’t Apple about the user? Apparently, that is no more.

For the iTV thingy to be useful for me, it should act as a DVR, but it doesn’t so I won’t buy one. It’s that simple. And I won’t buy an iPod Video either, because I’m already going blind from working on a computer 18-20 hours a day, why should I strain my eyes even more to squint and watch a movie on a teeny-tiny small screen?

All that Apple touches is not Gold. But I still love you, Mac.