Eliminate spam by eliminating spammers. Simple, clean, and certain.

Some folks think that making spamming a capital crime is a bit extreme. I see it as pure justice. Folks who rip off convenience stores for a six-pack and a few dollars spend months in jail. Spammers abuse and damage billions of dollars of other people’s resources, so it’s a simple straight-line extrapolation. If a minor robbery is worth jail time, big-time financial crime should be off the scale.

Then idiots who purchase stuff from spammers should spend at least a few days in jail.

The final step is to charge Gates and Ballmer as accessories, because of the tens of thousands of (trivially easily) owned Windows PCs that spew infestation 24×7x365. If it weren’t for Windows’ incredible friendliness for every piece of random malware that floats by spammers would have to work a lot harder. There is no excuse for the richest company in the history of humanity to not be able to deliver a secure platform. The biggest punch line is you don’t need access to source code, or much programming ability, to write potent Windows exploits.

Capital punishment and jail sure beat the heck out of continually erecting more and higher defenses. It’s like buying bigger umbrellas and higher waders to cope with ever-escalating shitstorms. It is much more effective to cut it off at the source.

Eliminate spammers, and you eliminate spam. What could be simpler?