[me]: retrieves Oracle CD and floppies from package

[me]: runs setup

[oracle]: If you are running a Windows NT network with NETBIOS, please stand on your left foot for 30 seconds. Should you need to catch yourself, do not be alarmed, but begin again from a count of 1. Upon completion of your balance script, enter the number of hearbeats that occurred during your ordeal. Be sure to put floppy NUMBER 5 into the disk drive BEFORE your balancing exercise. Started without reading all the way to this point? Do not worry, the horse has left the barn.

[oracle]: If you are running Windows NT 4.0 with TCPIP flavor bits, run Zelda, version 1, Nintendo, and return to this console with the number of bombs required to blow up the obstacles closest to the blue ring.

[me]: 5 (bombs)

[oracle]: right foot blue

[me]: inserts blue floppy into A: drive

[oracle]: Is there something in the A: drive? Get it out! Get it out!

[me]: pulls floppy from A: drive

[oracle]: enter serial number found on packing slip that secretary threw out before she handed you the oracle CD's and floppies

[me, to boss]: "It's OK, yes, I can install it, I have a TAR in for the serial number."

[me]: enters serial number 1234

[oracle]: Thanks. If you are running a Pentium chip, please run "MakeItRunSlowerOnIntel.tkl" on the red floppy. If you are running a PDP-11, please call 1-800-DEC-LIVES for your VMS-Oracle upgrade. If you don't have a TKL interpreter, we don't care.

[me]: MakeItRunSlowerOnIntel.tkl

[oracle]: No such command.

[me]: 1-800-DEC-LIVES

[DEC]: Sorry, we're dead. Please call back during business hours.

[me]: install.exe

[oracle]: I see you want to install. Do you have a towel?

[me]: No.

[oracle]: Don't forget to bring a towel! Wanna get high?

[me]: alt-f4

[oracle]: What are you doing, Dave

[me]: control-c

[oracle]: Dave. What are you doing, Dave.

[me]: powers down, powers up and installs SQL in 2 minutes flat.

There's broken, and then there's broken.